Love Marriage: Me and Myself

Two years ago, I embarked on an intense spiritual journey that included leaving the religion I was brought up in, mustering up the courage to pursue my dream, and healing from my past. Although I have much more work to do, I have experienced a monumental shift in the way I look at life. I’ve learned many lessons along the way, but as I look back on the journey, I keep coming back to this one truth: everything I want and need are in the present moment. This deceptively simple truth aligns me to a power greater than myself, as it allows me to become more receptive to inspiration, miracles, and love.

So, what I strive for these days is not so much how many gigs I land, or how much money I make, but how aligned I feel with God, the Universe, the Infinite. I have learned that one of the most important lessons we can learn in this life is to learn how to receive God’s unconditional love, which is the same thing as loving ourselves unconditionally. This also means forgiving ourselves over and over and over again for not measuring up and falling off the wagon. When I realized this, I changed my internal dialogue from, “Oh, you are feeling anxious again! When will you learn that fear is only an illusion!” to “I love you even though you are feeling anxious.” These loving, forgiving thoughts have changed my internal state completely. I have learned that when we feed our negative emotion with resistance and self-judgment, we strengthen the very negative emotion we are trying to eradicate, creating more resistance and becoming enslaved to the vicious cycle. But when we step out of the cycle, we feel whole.

Now, I gauge my daily success based on these two questions: How do I feel about myself, and do I feel grateful? I know I am off God’s grid if I am experiencing fear and anxiety and judging myself for feeling that way. But when I am aligned with God, I experience internal abundance, and love and gratitude flow easily. And from this place, I receive guidance to navigate the seemingly complicated labyrinth of life. But in moments of clarity, I know that each step is a destination and in each moment, I am standing on holy ground.

Virtual Recital Series, Episode 2

Here is our second episode of the Virtual Recital Series. We have some fun stuff going on at the end so make sure to watch the last 6 minutes!

You can read the artist bio and the program at www.virtualrecital.org

Our first Virtual Recital!

You can watch our first Virtual Recital here. For artist bios, please click here.

Announcing Hannah and Friends: Virtual Recital Series

I had this idea swimming in my head about using the Hangouts feature on Google+ to share music with a greater number of audience. The Google Hangouts feature is a video chat that allows up to 10 people to chat together. Google recently came out with a "studio mode" for musicians to share music online. Even though only a limited number of people can be in this chat, the performances can be streamed live to Youtube and is automatically recorded for later view.

So I am in the process of launching a project called Hannah and Friends: Virtual Recital Series. Every Saturday, I will be singing and inviting my performing artist friends from all over the US and other parts of the world to come to this cyber space to share their talents with you. The genres will include (but not limited to) western and eastern classical, crossovers, jazz, pop, indie, comedy, theater, folk, and other types of world music. We will be sharing the Youtube video on Facebook, Twitter, Google+ and other social media sites to reach as many viewers as possible. Audiences and communities have become very insular to their niche and I wanted to create a platform where people can discover something new. It is my hope that this project will also provide opportunities for different types of artists to come together to create an online and offline community that unites all races, cultures, and people of various socio-economic backgrounds.

The launch date for this project is Saturday, April 4 at 3pm pst. I have some amazingly talented friends who will be performing so you don't want to miss out! The website for this project is almost complete and I will be posting it on here and everywhere when it's done. You can preview the profiles of the artists there.

More than anything, I am really excited to share the talents of my ridiculously gifted friends. I think you will really enjoy watching! Stay tuned!

Schubert's Ave Maria

Here is a video of me singing Schubert's "Ave Maria"

What? You want me to sing? Like, now?

I went hiking with a friend and a bunch of strangers last year near Seattle. I awkwardly made friends with some of them as we stopped by some waterfalls, took pictures and exchanged some customary niceties. When it was lunch time, we found a space that could accomodate about twelve people and made sandwiches. As I was munching on my lunch, one of the guys that I had "befriended" asked me about my interests. Of course, singing came up and he immediately asked me to sing something for him. Right there. In the mountain. In the middle of all these strangers.

This happens to singers ALL. THE. TIME. Singers get asked to sing at dinner tables when people discover their identity. Or in a car ride, or at a shopping mall. And I get annoyed by it as most singers do. 

Over the years, I have developed a way of deflecting the awkward moment and cleverly rejecting the request. "You want me to sing? Get me a stage and a Steinway. Then, I'll sing." Mind you, you have to say this with certain flair and humor as not to be mistaken as a snob. So with humor and primadonna charm, I successfully deflected the opportunity to bust out a "Quando men vo." 

A few moments later, as we were in deep conversation about nothing important, I heard a beautiful voice singing in Persian. I looked over and one of the Iranian girls in our group was singing like an angel looking completely comfortable and enjoying herself. I had a brain-freeze. For the first time, I saw how okay it was to sing in an awkward situation and not make it awkward. Hearing her sing was like an unexpected mini-concert in the woodland.  

This changed my paradigm of singing in unexpected places. What if singers did sing during those dinner parties, or game nights or in a car ride? Yes, it's awkward and embarrassing. But what if this was considered a marketing tool or a tease to your next performance? It's like you are a live Youtube channel or a Tweeting bird or a Face with a mouth. As long as you are comfortable with it, the audience will love it. They asked for it, didn't they?

I have yet to try this myself and as much as I am dreading it, I am open to trying it. And when I do, rest assured, you will be hearing all about it on my blog.

So, let's get our pipes warmed up!

A Writer's Blog from the Get-Go

My friend Shaun and I had talked about writing a musical together for like a decade. One of us would always ask the other, "So, when is this going to happen?" to which one of us would reply, "Soon. Soon." Writing a musical is such a daunting task. I would be in charge of the story, organizing the structure of the musical and of course, the lyrics. Shaun would be composing the music. But a couple of days ago, I suggested that we first write a few of songs together before we take on the monstrous project.

So, I am supposed to send Shaun some lyrics for him to write the music to next week. And I am totally at a loss as to what to write and how to write it. I will be pulling out some hair over the weekend. But the good news is that we will have a few original songs to publish and share with you all! And that's exciting. I hoping to complete the lyrics to the first song today and send it off to Shaun so wish me luck!

Perfecting Imperfection

I received my second video "Ah! Je veux vivre" last week. After my first listening, I contemplated giving up the whole performance thing, dig a hole and hibernate forever. I heard a wrong note, a few flat tones, and a couple of wrong words. I didn't like some of my gestures and face expressions. My brain had a hay day commenting and criticizing every single second of that performance. That piano should have been subito pianissimo. I should have sung that section in a different tone color. I should have exuded a more youthful energy that is more appropriate for Shakespeare's Juliet. In my head, I was simply not at all convincing. I couldn't believe I was trying to pave a performing career with such mediocrity. When I forced myself to give it a second listen, I got depressed. Self-criticism looped its rant until 4:00 am when I finally exhausted myself to sleep.

I could have moped around in self-pity much longer but thankfully, I had planned a week's vacation in Hawaii a couple of days after I received the video. So, I had some chronological buffer between my second and third listening. I came back from Hawaii today and gave it another go. Surprisingly, it wasn't as horrendous as I thought it was when I listened to it the first time. It was far from perfect, but it wasn't like I took an axe and butchered the aria to pieces.  

So, the bottom line is: it wasn't so bad. There was no need to beat myself up and lose sleep over it. I am learning to be kinder to myself. If I sing a wrong note, or something went flat, c'est la vie. I already know I will continually work to improve, so there is no need for self-flagellation. I am learning how not to sweat the small stuff and think my world is on the verge of Armageddon because I didn't like how I sang a freakin' song. I just need to remind myself to chill out and breathe. (And take a vacation in Hawaii!)

At Last!

After months of pregnation, my artist website is finally up and running! I am sooo excited that it's finally ready. Not all the videos are done, but I will keep them coming as they are ready. Below is a video of me singing "I Dreamt I Dwelt in Marble Halls." And here is the website! Please share it with your friends! The address is www.hannah-kim.net

Silent Noon

This is my all-time favorite English song. The marriage of the poetry (Rossetti) and music (Vaughan Williams) is absolutely breath-taking. It kills me every time I hear it. "The twofold silence was the song of love." Who knew?!?!

Silent Noon

Your hands lie open in the long fresh grass--
The finger-points look through like rosy blooms:
Your eyes smile peace. The pasture gleams and glooms
'Neath billowing skies that scatter and amass.
All round our nest, far as the eye can pass,
Are golden kingcup-fields with silver edge
Where the cow-parsley skirts the hawthorn-hedge.
'Tis visible silence, still as the hour-glass.

Deep in the sun-searched growth the dragon-fly
Hangs like a blue thread loosened from the sky:--
So this wing'd hour is dropt to us from above.
Oh! clasp we to our hearts, for deathless dower,
This close-companioned inarticulate hour
When twofold silence was the song of love.

Dante Gabriel Rossetti

How I am going to get rich and famous

It is always with guilt that I make my come-back after a long, unannounced hiatus. I do this with my journal, too, even though no one is reading the entries except me. With whopping 16 people following my blog (I am not being sarcastic. I really appreciate my followers. Without you, this blog would be voiceless), you can imagine the magnified guilt. But I am sure you weren't losing sleep over my unannounced absence except for maybe guitarsophist. (Maybe we should be Facebook friends so you know I am alive.) 

Anyway, some of you know from my Facebook status that I left Seattle for good. My life in Seattle was stressful, enlightening, educational, fun, and eye-opening. First of all, the study of ethnomusicology is really cool. (For those of you who are just tuning in my life, I enrolled in the ethnomusicology graduate program at University of Washington with the intent of getting a Ph.D.) I learned a lot and if you are interested in world music and academia sandwiched in one, I highly recommend you look into it. However, I decided to leave the program because I realized I wasn't on the path to living the life of my dreams. When I imagine my dream life, I am on stage performing. I am not reading and writing and trying get published. This realization was spurred on by meeting a hot musician who was living the life of his dreams performing all over the world. And I was like, why am I not doing that? It hit me like a ton of bricks. (Also, I was inspired by a graffiti scribbled on a bathroom door that said, "I aimed for the moon and returned with a pocket full of stars" or something like that.) So, a couple of weeks later I told the head of the department that I was leaving the program to pursue a performing career. She was surprised but gave me her blessing and said I could come back to the program if I so desired in the future. I said thanks, packed my bags and left.

So, how am I going to go about having a performing career, you may wonder especially if you are one of my hundreds of musician friends. Well, I wondered that, too. But I have been brainstorming for about three weeks now and here is what I have. The music I am going to make will be a fusion of pop, classical, and Korean traditional music. Still not sure what market segment I want to target but I decided to let that take care of itself by exposing it on the Internet. So, here is the plan: Write a song fusing all those elements, find musicians to collaborate with, make a recording and a music video. Enlist the help of my friends on Facebook (and that would be you, my dears) to make it go viral online. Link the music video to the Kickstarter fundraiser and raise enough money for a whole album and a concert. My goal is to have the music video circulate and go viral online by the end of the year. Which means it has to be good. Really good. And I am confident that it's going to be good. :)

I also have another project that some of you know about. It's an opera about the story of my grandmother told from my perspective as a Korean-American that I've been wanting to write for a long time. I found a composer and a historian/ethnomusicologist to collaborate with. I also have a conceptual artist in mind who might be interested in doing multi-media stage work. So, I will be doing a lot of research and interviewing my family members over the summer to write the libretto for this work. I am really excited about it. There is a lot that needs to be done for this project like finding funding but if the work is good, we may be able to get the Korean government behind it.

The sad tale of a starving artist is that even with all these grand plans, I still need to have a day job. So, I am planning on applying to community colleges to teach piano, voice, and/or music history and start a piano/voice studio.

So, that's the plan. And I am really excited about it!