Sunday, May 15, 2011

Self-Acceptance Day 9

My friend Jacob challenged me to a Tetris battle on Facebook yesterday. He was at level 16 and I was at level 1. I hadn't played Tetris since high school so I was very rusty but my pride wouldn't let me say no to a challenge. Of course, I got my butt kicked. I don't know what made me think I could play against him and win. Sometimes, I get very cocky about my abilities to the point of disillusionment and my brain betrays me and slaps me in the face. Now, I owe him a care package.

So, this is my lesson:

"Self-acceptance encourages you to accept your limitations. Without self-acceptance, you see limitations as obstacles; with self-acceptance, you see limitations as opportunities. For example, if you can accept that you aren't strong enough to do something by yourself, an opportunity presents itself for you to receive extra help and inspiration. You free yourself up, see yourself differently and discover a source of strength that is far greater than that of your ego."

Yes, I see it as an opportunity to practice Tetris so I can kick Jacob's ass. And if I don't win this week, I will enlist the help of more online practice games so I can win.

Exercise: Self-acceptance gives you a natural confidence that helps you to cultivate your God-given talents and express the bigness of your heart. Paradoxically, the more you practice your self-acceptance, the less your life is "all about me" and the more you open your heart to the world.

Seriously, I hate losing. It sucks. I have been good at most things I have attempted in my life so facing my underdeveloped talent (like playing Tetris) really gets my goat. But sometimes, I just need to accept it and move on. This is gonna be more of a life-long mission, though. Not gonna master it by the end of my 10th day. Now, I gotta go practice Tetris.

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Self-Acceptance Day 8

Today is Buddha's birthday and a national holiday. So, I didn't go to work. I get anxious when I don't have anything to do or have a lot to do and don't want to do any of it. That was sort of the case today. I didn't have any pressing matter that needed immediate attention but had some work that I could have done but didn't want to do. So, I felt anxious. But I caught myself and decided that I wasn't going to do anything productive today and accepted that. You know, accepting something gives you a lot of peace. Resisting something take a lot of energy. And for what? Internal resistance doesn't do anything but wear out our minds. So, why not just decide to accept it if we are not going to change our course?

Today's homework:

Lesson: When you abandon your Unconditioned Self, you go in search of satisfaction in the world around you. The search can be exciting at times, but it does not lead to lasting fulfillment because the searching means you often leave yourself behind. Ironically, it's only when you stop searching that you find yourself and happiness again. True self-acceptance is the realization that you are what you seek. What you are looking for in the world—love, acceptance, joy, peace—are all qualities of your true nature.

The more you accept yourself, the more abundant you will feel. Like attracts like. When you identify with the inherent happiness of your Unconditioned Self, you attract experiences and people that are entirely compatible with how you feel about yourself. As you increase your self-acceptance, you let yourself accept more happiness, love, peace and abundance.

Exercise: The Latin for the word "accept" is "acceptare," which means "to receive, willingly." The more you accept yourself, the better you become at receiving. Live with this thought today: "Happiness is here, because I am here." Another great affirmation is: "Happiness is where I am."

I think that's true. The more accept yourself, the better you become at receiving. I need to learn how to receive.

Monday, May 9, 2011

Self-Acceptance (even with a mullet) Day 7

I know this is supposed be like day 15 but this time I have a really good excuse. I was super busy AND my sister and niece are visiting from the States AND my internet cable was disconnected for several days.

And I got a mullet.

But not on purpose. I wanted to hurl profanities at the hair stylist when I realized what she was doing. But the hair was already cut and she was doing an updo for the concert I had that evening (more on that later) so all I said was "Thank you for all your hard work." It wasn't until after I took a shower that night that I discovered how serious the damage was. #&@*%^$#^@&$%#@&%*$*#@%$!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So, I am definitely considering a perm. It's very difficult to accept myself when I look like a pissed-off 80s rock star. I thought this whole self-acceptance program was running very smoothly. Life really does throw in a wrench when things are too easy. I just have to remind myself that I am not my hair and that the real me can handle any hirsute tragedies that fall before me.

On the bright side, my sister and niece are visiting. It's really nice to have my little 3-year old niece around. She sits on the toilet while I am in the shower and sings for me and stands next to me and plays makeup with cotton swabs and pads when I am getting ready in the morning. She draws me pictures and gives me tons of hugs and kisses. She really makes me want to have a little girl.

Another highlight of the weekend was the concert I was in. I sang the soprano solo of Mozart's Requiem. I hadn't performed with an orchestra close to two years and I realized how much I missed singing and how happy I am when I am performing. We have the same concert on June 6 so I am very excited to sing again.

So, today's homework is:

Lesson: Self-acceptance is your home. It is where you return to find yourself again. When self-acceptance is low, you experience a ceaseless anxiety that causes you to doubt yourself, to be indecisive, to wobble, to question everything and to play safe. You search outside yourself for validation, approval and authority. Self-acceptance helps you increase your overall trust in life. The more you accept yourself, the more you trust your innate goodness, wise heart and natural intuition.

Exercise: The more you accept yourself, the more you trust that life doesn't just happen to you; it happens for you. Decide to trust in yourself today. Commit 100 percent of your trust to this and see what happens.

Okay. I will do that. I will trust myself and accept whatever consequences that may come my way. I mean life does go on whether I do or not so why not just roll with the punches? The mullet didn't happen to me; it happened *for* me. Thank you, Mullet, for helping me awaken to my true self and giving me an opportunity to love myself unconditionally despite your hideous look.

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Self-Acceptance Day 6

So, I missed another day of blogging. Before I started on this path of self-acceptance, I would have felt guilty about missing a day. Now that I am on my way to really embrace myself, I feel guilty only a little bit. :) And I don't have a good excuse. I didn't blog simply because I didn't want to.

When you identify solely with your ego, you can end up living in your head, feeling distant from your heart and disembodied from your true nature. You then feel an increasing sense of aloneness. You think you're separated from the world, but in fact, you're cut off from your Unconditioned Self.

Without self-acceptance, you feel exiled from yourself, experiencing the world as an unfriendly universe. Life feels like hard work, a big struggle, with obstacles everywhere. Your ego feels helpless, incapable and ultimately defeated. Only when you make contact with your true nature again will you find clarity, flow and inspiration.

This is exactly I how felt only a month ago. Being OK with being me is such a liberating experience. I feel the universe is on my side. I hope I remember this feeling in the future when I get down and depressed.

Monday, May 2, 2011

Self-Acceptance Day 5

Today was a GREAT day! So, I took my friend's advice and tried an experiment at church. I went to church today with a plan to let my guard down and erase my mind from the shoulds, don'ts, and ifs and let myself just *be*. I didn't *try* to be friendly, or warm or pleasant. I was curious to see what would come out if I simply stopped trying to be anything--good or bad. And guess what? I have discovered that I am pretty damn awesome. I was friendly, warm, pleasant, fun and pretty much really cool. It was a great discovery to realize that just being just me is more than good enough. I felt whole and complete. It was a good day. :)

Self-acceptance is an invitation to stop trying to change yourself into who you wish were for long enough to find out who you really are. When you believe in yourself and you are true to yourself, you will experience the miracle of self-acceptance, which reveals just how uniquely beautiful you are.

Yup, yup. Done and done.

Sunday, May 1, 2011

Self-Acceptance Day 4

A friend pointed out that when he first met me, he thought I was already dating somebody because I seemed guarded and seemed to shout "This girl is taken! Stay away!" with my eyes and body language. He advised that instead of putting up walls, I should broadcast openness, warmth, enthusiasm and energy and just BE ME. Which! happens to really fit into this whole self-acceptance program I am on. What a concept! Just be me and be comfortable even around strangers, which can be very difficult for me sometimes. So, tomorrow, I am going to church and broadcast ME! I'll tell you how it goes.

Today's exercise:

"So often, self-improvement is full of musts, oughts and shoulds. For example, you must buy these jeans or your butt isn't going to look very good. You ought to get eight hours of sleep every night. You should really be more like your overworked, aggressive boss if you are ever going to get ahead at the office. The essence of who you are is already inspiration-packed, wisdom-infused and blessed with talents and gifts. You don't need to build a successful image of yourself. You are already good enough. What would happen if you stopped should-ing on yourself? Can you see that the real you is far better than the one you're trying to sell to world?"

Yes! It's truly amazing to realize that I AM already good enough--all I have to do is let the goodness flow out. Yeah! Go ME!


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