Last night's prayer was one of the most sincere prayers I have ever offered in a while. There were no residual bitterness, or anger trailing around at the tail of each phrase. Then I meditated again, this time with more ease and less restlessness. Instead of using a mantra, I just tried to become the observing awareness of my own consciousness. I can control my thoughts completely when I am in that state. I felt peace after I emptied my mind of useless, and endless chatters.
I am still reading Elizabeth Gilbert's Eat, Pray, Love and am thinking about joining an ashram myself next summer to practice meditation. I am planning to go to Nepal next summer for about a month before I return to the States to volunteer at an orphanage, so I could probably squeeze in a meditation practice before or after work while I am there. Maybe I'll even swing by India at the end of my trip.
Anyway, I feel like I am on way my to finding lasting peace although I don't know how all of this fits my Mormon faith. That part, I am still working on.
Matthew Chapter 5:
There is a lot in this chapter but ultimately the whole point of this chapter boils down to this last verse.
48. Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect.
I read somewhere that the word perfect is a mistranslation for the word whole. Meaning, we don't have to be perfect because that's just impossible in this world, but immerse wholly with God and be perfected in Him. I also take this to mean that we are whole when we feel God's constant presence and our connection to Him.
Meditation has helped me greatly with this. Somebody said prayer is when you are talking to God and meditation is when you listen for God's answers. That sounds about right. Thinking about taking yoga again.