So you think this is getting good right? Well, I thought so, too.
We started out great. We joked and laughed a lot. We talked about baseball, volleyball, books, his psycho client, church, our dreams, how we want to raise kids, why we are not married, and what our family thinks about that, etc. We also talked about what we expected from our future husband/ wife. He thought I expected too much from my husband.
Toward the end of our conversation, I realized how big the cultural gap was between us. He's Ko-Ko (Korean-Korean as opposed to Korean-American) and I don't think his expectations and my expectations of marriage jived very well. He thought I was too American in my way of thinking and the way I expressed my opinions. I think he was overwhelmed by my straightforwardness and honesty. (Or maybe turned-off is a better word.) I was actually stunned that he thought that that was a bad thing. Then I realized that I had never dated a Korean man before and didn't know what their expectations were exactly. I had an idea of what they were like, but I thought this one was different but was disappointed that he wasn't. It just confirmed my belief that I would be better off with an American.
So, back to square one.
That's too bad. He probably was worried about what people would say if he had such an outspoken and unconventional wife.
ReplyDeleteLOL. Probably!
ReplyDeleteMy wife was like you--smart, outspoken, and articulate. Her father thought that she was so sharp-tongued that no man would willingly marry her. When it became clear to him that our marriage was working out, he thought that I must be a meek and docile American man. In fact, we had mutual respect for one other,and she never turned her sharp tongue on me. We made decisions together,and if we argued, it was about little things, not big things. If we disagreed, she was right more often than not, but she never questioned a decision I had made. As you can tell, I miss her a lot. But she was the black sheep of her family for many reasons, going against her father, following Japanese and American ways instead of Korean, pursuing and then abandoning academic pursuits. There is a certain freedom in being a black sheep.
ReplyDeleteMy dad is convinced that there is a high chance that I would remain single for the rest of my life if I decide to pursue a Ph.D. In my dad's mind, no man would want to be out-smarted by a woman. It's a woman's duty to protect and preserve a man's ego. I absolutely disagree. I wouldn't trample on a man's ego on purpose but I would never dumb myself down to make a man feel good about himself. I know there are smart, confident men out there who wouldn't be intimidated by strong, independent women. I have dated them. I know they exist!
ReplyDeleteMy daughter does that. She has a degree from Berkeley, but she goes out with grocery clerks and enlisted men. She likes being smarter than her boyfriends, but then she has to hide part of herself. It drives me crazy. But it is her life. I think she will learn better, but maybe not. Or maybe I am wrong. Fathers have trouble figuring out daughters.
ReplyDelete