As for work, I have an audition tomorrow for a production company. I will let you all know how that goes.
As for life, it's a little less exciting. I have been feeling depressed and keeping my head above water trying not to feel like a failure. I was thinking about the cause of all this. I think the depression and discouragement came from my expectation to live a grand, successful life with meaning. Meaning had to pave my way to success. Looking back, I feel I wasted so much time looking for meaning because what initially seemed meaningful felt less fulfilling as time went on. I always went back to square one when meaning seemed to dissipate over time.
So, today, I pondered on the possibility of no meaning and no grandness. What if there is no meaning in what I do, but how I do it? Then it doesn't matter what I do. I could collect garbage and do it meaningfully. If I loosened my grip on the neck of grandness and be content to be average, then the pressure would be off. If I decide to not be so significant, then all is well. I would be free from the pressure that paralyzed me.
Let's see how well this experiment goes.
How do you define success? How do you define meaningful? Wealth? Fame? Material possessions? Number of people influenced in a positive way? Number of people who admire you? Spiritual reward in afterlife? Personal satisfaction? Happiness? Happiness and success of people around you? Achievement of personal goals? Conformity to cultural standards? [Insert big long list of other possibilities here.]
ReplyDeleteI teach at a state university. I and most of my colleagues thought that we were successful in an honorable profession, but now our administrators treat us like we are lazy, overpaid, incompetent workers and the people of the state are mad at us because we have better benefits than most and they blame us for rising tuition. In one generation, we have gone from being the elite architects of a glorious future to maligned scapegoats for economic failure. The job hasn't changed much, but the social context has. My point here is that most standards of success are defined by society, and society is fickle.
Globalism is part of the problem. It is easier to feel successful in a small town, or even a small country. Now every artist is literally competing on the world stage.
Is Barack Obama successful? Is Mitt Romney? I'd say yes and no. Am I? I'd say yes and no.
did you ever turn pro with the drumming thing? JON
ReplyDeleteAre you asking me? No. Guitars are an old hobby and drums are a new one. I like learning drums though because a groove is a state of mind, and also because it is possible to set small goals, work on them, and have success. A groove is built one element at a time. Each component is simple, but all together it is complicated. I guess that could be a metaphor for living.
ReplyDelete